On this day 35 years ago, my cousin took his own life. I was only 14 years old. I still remember it like it was yesterday. He and my dad were like brothers. He had reached out to my dad to talk. We all thought things would turn out differently. He made plans to come stay with us for a while once the school year finished since he was a teacher. Then on the morning of April 1, 1987, we received the phone call we never expected to receive. We will never know what was exactly going through his mind when he took his own life. It was definitely a life changing moment for all of us and it still effects us all to this day. The saddest part is that suicide is preventable and if anyone exhibits signs of being suicidal, SPEAK UP! Their life depends on it. Talk to them, let them know they are loved, there is hope and most importantly, there is HELP.
Shortly after his suicide, I will always remember what my dad told someone else who was contemplating suicide. He said, “Suicide is not the answer. Once your pain ends, ours begins.” There is so much truth in those words. I used those exact words a few years later when I was in the 9th grade. A girl that was in my class lived down the street. We would always walk home from the bus stop. She had a horrible family life and talked about suicide. I told her what my dad had said and told her there are many other ways to get out of her situation and live a happy life. At the end of the school year, she wrote me a letter. She thanked me for telling her about my experience with suicide. She moved to live with other relatives and said her life had finally changed for the better. She had given up hope until we talked. I have also told that phrase to a couple of other people who were extremely depressed. It made them think and realize there is hope and they are loved. I am still sad that my cousin is no longer with us. He was a great person. The only thing comforting about his death, is that his story has saved lives. They always say something good always comes from something bad.
Every year as we approach April 1st, I always start thinking about that horrible day. Yesterday it hit me a bit harder. I learned that a friend had committed suicide earlier that day or the night before. I do not know any of the circumstances, but it does not matter. A life has been lost that could have been saved. If you are reading this, please know there is help and hope for you and your loved ones. Your life matters! I have listed hotline phone numbers, text numbers and websites that everyone should know. In future blogs, I will go more into detail about suicide, depression, alcohol & drug addiction and mental health. All of these subjects need to be talked about openly and not swept under the rug. Most importantly, never shame anyone that has any of these problems.
Donald,
Mike’s death has certainly had generational effects: while so many of the effects have been excruciatingly devastating , his death has, indeed, saved lives. I was 19 when he died. Sue & I were in Lubbock for school. I remember receiving that phone call like it was yesterday. My world collapsed. He had taken such good & gentle care of me when I was sick at their house. He took care of me as if I were his own child. His compassion for me will always be remembered & treasured. I didn’t understand severe depression until many years later when I went through it myself. I wanted the life I was living to be over, to be different. I was unable to think clearly, I wanted out. But my thoughts of Mike & the devastation his death brought to so many people over so many years, kept me alive. I had vowed to never hurt my family like his death hurt everyone in ours. My doctor put me on antidepressants that not only made me not want to live, but made me feel extremely suicidal. Although my doctor’s office told me to stay on them until they could see me three weeks later, I knew I would be dead by the end of the next few days if I stayed on them. I’m not saying all antidepressants are bad for every person; rather, to encourage those who are on antidepressants to be aware that antidepressants, in some people (example: Mike & me), CAN cause extreme suicidal feelings. That was my pivotal moment and vow to allow his life to save others, including myself. My substitute for antidepressants was to exercise by doing cardio & lifting weights daily to induce a daily endorphin high to keep me alive & heal my body, mind, & soul and that regimen, thankfully, worked for me.
His death is in my thoughts often as I see others struggle. I, too, have used his story along with my own, to help save others. Everything is temporary. Everything. The good & the bad… it’s ALL temporary. We all have choices. Choosing death, ends those choices & opportunities for a joyful life.
Thank you for helping your neighbor & others throughout your life.
May your stories through this blog help countless other souls.
You mean the absolute world to me, Donald. You are one of my very best friends, as well as my Brother. Words cannot express how proud I am of you & how thankful that we all are that you have turned your life around so much over the last few months. It was devastating to witness the decline and impending death that was happening to you last year. Now, you are not only living, you are THRIVING!!!!
Thank you for beginning this blog!
I Love you, Donald!!!